From Here to Eternity
by 88Ashley88
Summary: She knew as she took his hand that the hardest thing she'd ever tell him was goodbye. One Shot


**Something A little different. Testing the waters, let me know what you think.**

 **I don't own ANYTHING that has to do with Chicago P.D.**

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 **No Visitors Allowed Past this Point**

She ignored the flock of doctors, in their long white coats, who plodded by her and headed down the corridor. She did not notice the little child who stared at her with his wide blue eyes, curiously wondering why the grey haired lady didn't move.

"Mrs. Halstead?"

Erin shook her head, trying to loosen the fog that had weaved itself into the delicate fibers of her brain. "Um, yes." She stood up, and smoothed her long skirt down. "Is he alright? May I go see him?"

The white scrubbed nurse smiled slightly at her, "Of course. I will take you in to see him. The doctor should be in shortly." The nurse led the gray haired lady passed the sign that had earlier kept her out, and into the Critical Care Unit.

Erin gazed around the large room. There seemed to be twelve or so large beds, separated by walls and a set of glass doors. The patients inside the rooms looked so small, it seemed as if the giant equipment and monitors surrounding them were swallowing their sick bodies whole. The place seemed to exude a hostility and sterility that made Erin nervous.

"He's in bed ten, Ma'am." The nurse pointed toward one of the glass cubicles.

Erin nodded at the woman, and walked towards the room. She pushed on the cool glass gently, trying to steady her shaking hand. As soon as she entered the small room, she was met with an orchestra of unfamiliar sounds; the steady beeping from the heart monitor that was attached to his chest, a windy whooshing sound from the ventilator, whose long white tentacles stretched into her husband's mouth and nose, and down into his sleeping lungs. The noises scared her, she backed into the corner of the room and closed her eyes for a second, trying to block them out of her brain.

When she finally calmed her quickened pulse to a normal rhythm, she reopened her eyes and stared at the small seemingly lifeless figure that lay in front of her. Walking up to it slowly, she reached out her hand and touched her husband. His hands were still warm and sweaty, despite the malingering chill of death that was inevitably drawing near. She took his flaccid palm in hers and massaged it gently, holding back the flood of water that was trying to escape the corners of her eyes.

"Mrs. Halstead?"

"Yes," she whispered, not taking her eyes off her husband.

"I'm Dr. Harrison."

Erin finally averted her gaze from Jay and looked up at the middle-aged man standing before her. She tried to speak but found herself frozen in fear. Did she want to know what this man was going to tell her? She stared at his empty face and wondered how he could do his job on a daily basis and still feel things. How do you tell someone that her husband of forty three years is dying, and not turn into an unfeeling creature? She let go of her husband's hand and stood up, eye level with the man who would deliver her the dreaded news that she already knew deep in her heart.

"He's not going to wake up, is he?"

The doctor looked down at the floor, and then back up at the elderly lady. "No, Ma'am. Your husband had a severe cerebrovascular accident. It seemed a clot developed in the left hemisphere of his brain. Virtually all motor functions have stopped working, he's breathing only because of the ventilator."

Erin reached out and held onto the wall for support. She looked up at the doctor, her face full of stern resolve, "My husband did not want to be kept alive by artificial means." Her hands shook violently as she choked out the words.

The doctor shot her a sympathetic look. "You are doing the right thing, there is really nothing else we can do for him."

"May I have a second alone with him?"

"Of course."

Erin watched the doctor walk out of the room and shut the glass door behind him. The gates that were holding back her tears burst open with a vengeance, her eyes spewed forth a large salty flood. She walked over to her husband's body and looked down at him. Her tears fell on his arm, and she did nothing to wipe them away. Pulling up a nearby chair, she sat her exhausted body down next to him, and laid her head on his chest.

She could faintly hear his diminished heart beat, thumping softly against the lobe of her ear. Drips of water continued to stream down her face, causing a small wet puddle on his white and blue-chequered hospital gown.

Wiping her red eyes, she sat up and looked at him. There was a small fleck of yellow germicide coating his forehead. She grabbed a moist towel and rubbed it off gently, kissing the spot on his forehead where the mark once was.

"Jay," she whispered. "Baby." She leaned down and kissed his nose softly. "Forty three years of marriage with you, and now I have to say goodbye."

She looked up at the machine and watched the steady waves of her husband's heartbeat on the monitor. She grabbed his hand and wrapped it in hers. "What if I'm not ready to say goodbye? What if I can't let you go? How am I supposed to go on without you? Don't you remember our discussion? You promised me, that when it was time for us to separate, that you would let me go first. You didn't hold up your end of the bargain."

Her body heaved, as large sobs escaped her lips. She covered her face with her hands, trying to block out the vision that lay in front of her. She pushed her sweat and tear stained hair out of her face and gazed back at her husband. "Remember when I talked you into going to my high school reunion with me? It was the first time I'd ever told anyone my story about how Hank and Camille had taken care of me. I'm pretty sure it was the night that I knew I was falling in love with you."

Erin continued to look at Jay as she held his hand in her own. "Do you remember about a month after we came back from our honeymoon and I found out I was pregnant with Lydia? I remember us standing in our bathroom at my old apartment and being so scared and you pulled me into your arms and you said, "Er, it's gonna be ok" and it was. She was the greatest thing in our lives. That first year when we were parents was the craziest year of our lives"

Erin laughed at the memory of sleepless nights and she and Jay being exhausted with their newborn daughter. Erin ran her hand over Jay's as she took a shaky breath.

"I remember Hank talking us into babysitting her for a few hours so that we could go out for the night and how a movie and a few drinks at Molly's turned into us ending up with our souvenir, Noah. Two kids that were just over a year apart...we were crazy"

Erin looked up at Jay's face and raised her fingers to run through his salt and pepper hair. Her life spent with this man had been such a blessing and here she was getting ready to let him go. How was she supposed to go on?

He'd been with her through it all: Two children, Hank's death, seven, grandchildren and of course, their move to Wisconsin.

How was she supposed to go back to the cabin without him? How was she going to sit on that back porch and watch the sunsets without him? He was the reason that she was there to begin with and now he was leaving her. Her heart both ached and was filled with such love at the same time. It was a feeling like she'd never experienced before.

She laid her head down on his stomach and closed her eyes. Minutes passed, but she did not move. She let her hands slide his gown up slightly, letting her cheek rest on his bare skin, allowing the warmth of his body touch her for the last time.

Moving to his face, she placed her lips on his, gently kissing him. "Thank you for making my life complete. I love you more than words can express."

She turned away from Jay, and stared out of the glass door, meeting the doctor's eyes. She nodded at him, and watched him walk back into the room.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to wait outside?"

"No. I'm his backup"

Erin watched as another physician came in and removed the tubing, extubating her husband. The doctor flipped off several switches, one that stabilized his blood pressure, and several that monitored his heartbeat.

Erin was shocked at the sudden silence, the machinery no longer humming its sad melodic tune. The only noise that now met her ears was the beeping of the final heart monitor, and the heavy staggered breathing of her dying husband.

She watched as he struggled to take air into his lungs, no longer receiving the help of the ventilator. Her heart ached with deep despair as she watched the green number on the monitor decrease slowly. 41…35…20.

"Oh God," she cried out, sobbing at the inevitable. 15…7…0. Then silence. She watched the straight line flash along the screen and closed her eyes, still grasping her husband's hand.

She sat there in a trance for several minutes, holding onto the the cold hand of her husband. Finally, she stood up, grabbed the sheet on his bed, and wrapped it around his body, tucking him under the warmth of the covers. She smoothed his rumpled hair, and laid a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Squeezing his hand one last time, she forced herself to let go. Choking back tears, she leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "Wait for me, baby" and walked out of the hospital room and out to her awaiting family.

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The cabin was silent as Erin sat by the fireplace. Jay's funeral had been today and the love and support she'd felt from their family and friends had been overwhelming. The only thing that had really gotten her through the day was their love. Without it, she wasn't sure that she'd survived it.

The preacher had talked about what a great man that Jay was, but that was a lie. He was so much more than a great mean. He'd been everything. Her partner, her lover, her best friend, the father of her children and a grandfather who had spoiled his grandkids like crazy.

Erin's eyes grew heavy from the exhaustion of the day and she closed them as the sound of the fire crackled in the background.

When she opened her eyes she found herself standing by the lake, it was summer and it was beautiful. The water was a blue and still and crystal clear.

She looked down at her reflection and saw that she was young again. Her dirty blonde hair fell in it's natural waves down her shoulders and her once wrinkled skin was smooth.

She looked up and turned towards porch and she saw him there. Standing with his back to her and her heart skipped a beat. Just like it did every single time that she looked at him.

She found herself pulled to him by forces unseen and step by step she walked up the stairs of the porch and towards him. She was about to call his name as he slowly turned around and he gave her that look.

The look that only he could give her. The look that told her with his eyes what he felt that words could never convey. Nothing but complete, faithful, true love.

"It's about time you got here" He said his lips turning into a smile.

"Jay" Erin whispered.

Jay's smile widened as he reached for Erin's hand and pulled her into his arms. "I missed you"

Erin felt fresh tears roll down her cheeks as she melted into his arms. The only place she felt like she was truly at home in. Safe, secure, loved...his arms were her home and she wanted to stay there forever.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Jay asked as he pulled back to look at her.

Erin felt Jay's hand reach up and brush the tear off her cheek.

"It just feels like forever" Erin said as she looked at him.

"I know what you mean" Jay smiled as he brushed his fingers across her cheek and down her jaw.

"Can I stay here with you?" Erin asked "I don't want to leave you. I can't lose you again"

Jay smiled as he looked at her "Of course. If that's what you want"

Erin looked around at the lake and then back at Jay. The feeling of love and peace she felt was unlike anything. And she knew she couldn't go back to where she'd been. Because where she was now, was the only place she wanted to be.

"I want to stay here with you forever" Erin assured.

"Forever sounds perfect. There's so many people here that have been waiting for you" Jay explained.

"Is Hank here?" Erin asked.

"Believe it or not...yes. Not sure how, but he's here" Jay explained. "You'll see him soon"

Erin turned her head into Jay's hand as he caressed her cheek. "I missed you"

Jay smiled as he leaned in to kiss her. "I missed you, Erin. But we have forever this time"

"Forever" Erin whispered as Jay leaned down and kissed her.

 **~*The End*~**


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